the Diet Industry

I think I have HAIR-AN syndrome

throughout my whole life I’ve realized I’m not like other girls/women in personality or behavior. I’m much more aggressive in a way and definitely a bigger risk taker. I get mistaken for a lesbian from time to time. I’m definitely tomboyish, not really feminine at all. Little to no interest in makeup until recently. I think my interest in fashion is much more masculine in a way that it is, the more I think about it, peacocking in a sense. It’s an attempt to telegraph status. While on one level I’m trying to emulate affluent women whose status comes from their fathers/husbands, I am a self made woman and every luxury status item I own I earned by myself. Well, in the sense that the paycheck that had the money that purchased the items was made out to me, and I didn’t use any kind of family connections (because I have none) to get the job. Not self made in the sense that I am the product of my environment/family.

I first noticed that hormones have a strong influence on my actions when I stopped taking birth control pills.Didn’t notice too many changes for a few months and then literally all of a sudden I had the strongest urge to buy makeup, nail polish, fashion magazines and some pretty sandals. It was the strangest thing. Urges like that had happened very very rarely to me and I wonder if it has to do with hormones.

I never cared about how I looked particularly my entire life except in trying to emulate someone else; truth be told they were usually men with the exception of Gwen Stefani. I never cared about looking sexy. I had the idea that I should care and I should try, but it was always kind of half hearted and I didn’t believe in it. It always made me feel really weird or uncomfortable if I thought about my body in that way for too long. I still feel the most myself when I’m wearing saggy carrot fit/boyfriend jeans. I’ve never been interested in jewelry or hair (other than dying it punky colors) at all either.

I have had a much more intense interest in makeup lately, not like I was before just trying to collect luxury brand eyeshadow palettes and put crazy colors on my face, but actually trying to make my skin look good and contour my face and make myself look prettier. I’ve also been more interested in dressing to make myself look good rather than what I did before which was trying to buy certain brands and trying to squeeze myself into a certain size. I’m sure part of this is just growing up and becoming an adult, but in a way I feel like a teenage girl just trying to figure out all these things.

I’m wondering if it’s because my hormones are starting to normalize because of the low carb diet. I’m wondering if the amount of androgens in my system is going down because my insulin resistance is getting better. I have noticed that when I am very strict with my diet, my upper leg hair and upper lip hair seems to grow much slower. I have to be really strict for at least a month for this to be noticeable however.